Mistakes Were Made

Internships are stressful, let’s just get that out right now.

Of course, it’s not about the work because, well, you’re an intern. Most of the time intern is just another word for “coffee maestro” but that’s not always the case! I haven’t picked up a single cup of coffee yet and I’m getting tough hands-on experience that just seemed way out of my reach.

And that’s the problem.

Now I’m sure this isn’t just me but does anyone else feel like the dumbest person in the room at times? I’m going into an internship that I’m currently not even in a degree for yet. I don’t start school until the fall and I can’t help but feel ill-prepared. Now, don’t get me wrong, my boss has been more than accommodating and helpful and trying to ease me into the media world as best as he can.

But that doesn’t get the feelings to stop.

When he asks me a question and I don’t know the answer, I get so pissed at myself. It’s just a need for perfection. That I should have been paying attention; I should know that otherwise why am I even in the field? I see people my age asking questions that I can’t even comprehend wearing clothing that I could never pull off. It’s that feeling of inadequacy  that just kills your spirit.

But I’m trying to strive past it!

I’m trying to learn that I can’t be perfect, that it’s okay to ask questions and to not know the answer to something…or to not even know what question to ask. All of this is a learning experience that is so overwhelming but, at the same time, it just feels so right. Every new thing I learn, every new person I meet, every new location and event I go to, I find myself getting more and more excited about what I don’t know. I don’t care about stuff that I already know about because that’s not as exciting! I don’t want to learn more about what I already know about. I want to learn more about something that I don’t. That’s why I’m here. Learning.

Mistakes were made! And they’ll keep on happening.  But that’s just another thing I can add to the list. Going to keep my chin up and, if you’re in a similar situation now or in the future, I hope you can too. It’s really hard getting started in a new career…but time is everything. Practice makes perfect and perfection takes patience.

You can do this!

Woes of Being Unemployed

Okay, so here’s my issue.

Jobs are everything, right? I mean, I’m in this group in church right now that is currently emphasizing finances and work history and the summary of the class, so far, is that ‘as God worked, we must work, too’ and our work defines who we are as humans and helps us connect closer to God, so to speak. And that’s all fine and great, because it is true. Humans are put here for a purpose, not just to diddle around all day.

So I will be unemployed for two months as of the first of October. By choice, mind you. I wasn’t fired; I resigned.

And I don’t feel as if I need to justify that to anyone.

However, lately I feel like I need an excuse for it. People always ask me why I’m unemployed and what I’m doing now. Like…I’m doing nothing because I’m unemployed, thank you for bringing that up XD

And I get it. This economy, being unemployed is not ideal. I don’t have children, I’m not married, and I have a degree, so why the hell am I unemployed? Well, you know, I wish I weren’t unemployed but that’s just where God led me to. I’m not sitting in the corner, drinking myself to death, feeling sorry for myself. I apply to dozens of jobs every week and, you know what, they’re not easy jobs to get. I consider myself a highly ambitious person. It’s not just that I’m looking for the best job available out there. I’m realistic. I know that the job I’d love to have, I’m not qualified for, and that’s fine. What I’m looking for is a job that I can see a future for myself.

Why on earth would you stay at a job where you don’t see a future for yourself? Yes, it’s scary to be unemployed without a lead. But I’m at a place in my life where I can do it. I’m young, I’m getting a feel for my career, I have a decent amount of money saved up, and I have all the time in the world. I’m in no rush whatsoever.

Whenever the right job comes along, believe me, I’ll be the most dedicated person on the planet and I’ll be the happiest person you’ll see all year.

But please stop asking me why I’m unemployed.

If I knew the answer to that, I probably wouldn’t be unemployed in the first place XD